December 5, 2023
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These knives are made by CRKT. What kind of company is CRKT? The kind that makes a commercial like this:

And we appreciate that. We really do. After all, we’re a bunch of beefy outdoorsy folks here. Yep, every one of us is big honkin’ survivalist who’s constantly doing burly shit in nature’s kingdom. So, if anyone from CRKT is reading this copy, rest assured: your product is safely in the alpha hands of your fellow tree-bros and you can feel free to navigate away from our site and get back to dressing the deer you bow-hunted or whatever. Seriously, we are all set here!

Are they gone?

The people reading from CRKT?

They’re not here anymore?

Okay, great.

Look, this would be a great knife to buy heading into the holiday season because it would be perfect for opening all the packages containing the gifts you buy online. Plus, come Christmas, you can use it to crack all those annoying plastic clamshell packages or, if you’ve got kids, cut off the roughly 2000 zip-ties that secure every toy within its packaging. Beyond that, it’ll be great to open dog food bags, cat food bags, bags of litter–

Oh, crap! The CRKT people are coming back?!

Just talking about how… uhh… you and your buddies could… uhh… get this thing really hot in a fire and… uhh… tattoo pictures of trucks on each other…

Phew. That was close, but we’re pretty sure they bought it!

Now it’s your time to buy something. Namely, this knife.

Buy the CRKT Thero EDC Carbon Fiber Folding Pocket Knife on Meh for $24.99 (or $46 at Amazon).

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